my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
