My room smells like vodka and shame
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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