The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
