dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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