I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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