Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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