I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
