I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I smell like Dick and happiness
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
