I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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