A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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