I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
