just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
