either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
