every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
