At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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