i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
