I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
