y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
