i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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