i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
