Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
