? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
