Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
