Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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