I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
