Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
