you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
