Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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