I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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