Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
