This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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