Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
