saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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