Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
