I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
