Betty ford says i'm here all night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
