The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
