He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
