you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
