i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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