Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
