I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
