the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
