2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
