He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
