she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
