Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
