Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
