Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
