Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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