I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
