Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
